Balance & Vitality: The Bloghttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/Balance and Vitalityen-US2008-07-20T00:41:41ZSquarespace Site Server v4.1.2 (http://www.squarespace.com/)Session Fifteen: AT Homeworkhttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/10/27/session-fifteen-at-homework.htmlEtta Y2007-10-27T14:48:37ZDuring my fifteenth session, Alexis asked me what was new in my life, AT-wise. (She was much more eloquent than that. I just can't remember how she worded it.) It made me panic a bit, because all I've been doing is lying on the floor with my knees bent, and rectifying my slouch whenever I notice it.

Of course she wasn't referring to any AT homework, which would be more end-gaining than F. Matthias Alexander could bear. She was asking if I had seen any more results from my AT sessions "in real life".

Truthfully, I have been so busy that I haven't really been focused on it. I just found a fantastic flat and am in the process of preparing my dossier (which is like a full-time job). I was recently given a prestigious project to nurture at my main job. At my other job, I was given a mini-promotion. And the rest of my plate is full of little writing gigs, which is something I've wanted to do for years.

I thought about this question after I got home and realized that AT has played a big part in all of these new developments. AT has a thankless job -- its effects are so far-reaching that it's difficult to define what they are.

I don't know how or why, but I find that I've been more optimistic and relaxed about things since starting my AT sessions. That, in turn, has helped me to make some good decisions that have led me to my current place, which, while it's not perfect, is a big improvement from my life a few months ago.

The end-gainer in me wanted a list of positive effects of AT before my first lesson. Google gave me a very mixed bag of results: amelioration of backaches, removal of creative blocks, physical rehabilitation. It didn't make much sense at the time that sitting and standing would help get rid of backaches and make you a better violinist in one fell swoop.

Going through the process myself, I see that the Alexander Technique gives you the tools to be better at whatever you give your attention to, be it pain relief or your job search.

]]>Session Fourteen: Plateauhttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/10/9/session-fourteen-plateau.htmlEtta Y2007-10-14T09:24:17ZIt's hard to believe I've already had fourteen AT sessions. They seem to go by so quickly (time flies when you're having fun) and with life being so hectic (as it inevitably is), it is difficult to keep track.

The ability to sit, unsupported, on the métro is no longer a source of giddiness for me. The novelty is wearing off, which I see as a positive development. Until now, I was doing Alexander Technique for the sake of doing Alexander Technique. Now that the concepts are really sinking in, I look forward to applying the principles to enrich areas of my life that really matter to me. My posture on the métro isn't a high priority, after all.

I catch myself very often during the day, clenching or contorting, and I almost automatically re-align myself to be more comfortable. The first correction usually happens within three minutes after I wake up, when I brush my teeth at my ridiculously low sink. The second, while walking to the métro. The third, on the métro. The fourth, walking to the office. And so on and so forth. But it's the stressful situations that make me realize how glad I am that I started taking AT lessons.

For instance, when I have to speak to someone in my pitiful franglais, I often pause for a second to soften my deer-in-headlights look. That doesn't mean that AT has made me fluent in French but I feel good that I look slightly less ridiculous doing it. It helps to have something neutral to focus on in these instances.

If my AT progression were to be plotted on a graph, I suspect I'm at the beginning of the first plateau.

]]>Session Thirteen: Juggling Reduxhttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/9/28/session-thirteen-juggling-redux.htmlEtta Y2007-10-04T04:57:00ZThe juggling balls came out again for an encore. My kneejerk reaction was, cool! Let's do it! I told a slightly stunned Alexis that juggling was fun (fun! I said fun! So not a part of my regular vocabulary!!) and proceeded to quite happily not succeed at juggling.

Looking back on the first juggling session and the state of utter panic it produced, I think this is clear pro-AT evidence. One could argue that I'm simply getting more comfortable with the juggling exercise, but that doesn't factor in the sensation of fun that I've been feeling off and on recently.

I'm finding that the secret of fun -- and maybe this is obvious to everyone else -- is to be in the moment, whatever you are doing. And it's not easy to be in the moment if you're focused on doing it right, getting something out of it, trying to be better than everyone else etc... in other words, you hinder your enjoyment when you're end-gaining. Ironically, end-gaining won't even give you the best results so you may as well relax and enjoy whatever it is you are doing.

A few months ago, I probably would have finished this post with "Easier said than done." But in this session, fun was as difficult as throwing around some vinyl balls. It's nice to see how easy fun can be.

]]>Session Twelve: Bouncyhttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/9/13/session-twelve-bouncy.htmlEtta Y2007-09-27T06:00:00ZToday Alexis introduced a new prop in my AT session: an oversized plastic ball. I lay on it, sat on it, bounced on it (while being pleasantly reminded of my favorite gadget of infanthood, the brilliant Bouncy Wouncy). The point of all this was to perceive the body in a different way, and sure enough, when I stood up I felt like a well-oiled Slinky -- there was a buoyancy that I imagine would be a tiny bit like walking on the moon (but much more subtle, of course). The bounciness in my spine lasted through my métro ride home.

Things like this remind me that reality doesn't have to be based on the rigid beliefs I cling onto every day. If I haven't even fully grasped the way my own body works, how could I possibly understand the potential the world holds?

]]>Session Eleven: Resultshttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/9/17/session-eleven-results.htmlEtta Y2007-09-19T06:23:54ZI had my 11th AT session a few days ago, but that isn't what I want to talk about today. Instead, I'd like to talk about how I am really starting to feel results from doing the Alexander Technique.

First of all, my once-frequent headaches and backaches have been reduced to making a feeble cameo appearance maybe once a week. If and when it does happen, I lie on the floor in "Alexander position" and ask my back and/or head to quit it (the latter is an idea I picked up from a book recommended to me by Alexis, Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection). These tactics seem to work.

Secondly, I feel like I have a new perspective on my life. I'm much more committed to doing what I want, rather than what I should (or worse yet, what I think I want). Somehow AT has made me stand back and analyze my situation from a place of semi-detachment.

Lastly, (and this is of course related to everything else) I feel that I am more centered than before. "Cool" will never be a word that someone would use to describe me but I am less prone to be at the mercy of someone else's whim.

Here's what I am talking about. A recent revelation suggested to me that I look for part-time work in a kitchen. Disregard the fear of getting stuck on a career track that normally does not pay well. Forget the fact that I've never done it and that I majored in Classics at university. I like food, I've been looking for stimulation and I've got extra time on my hands. Why not? And why hadn't I thought of this before?

Today was my "audition". From 0730 until 1730, I peeled, sliced, served, cleaned, poured, got yelled at and trotted between the kitchens and dining room. Everyone was stressed out and blaming the new moon and eclipse for the neverending barrage of uncharacteristically aggressive customers.

Strangely, I had a great time. While everyone around me argued and rolled their eyes and yelled into the telephone, I stayed in my quiet little world of cucumbers and whole wheat loaves and pats of butter. Even when I was loudly reprimanded, the words glanced off my skin. For someone who usually takes everything entirely too personally, this one incident was like achieving self-help nirvana.

At the end of the day, I was offered the position for my ability to "not do anything too terrible in the face of disaster". Having spent more than nine and a half consecutive hours on my feet, my legs were swollen and there was a dull ache in my lower back. When I got home, I rolled out the rug on the floor and lay down in Alexander position, feeling quite pleased with myself.

]]>Session Ten: Un-AT Sessionhttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/9/12/session-ten-un-at-session.htmlEtta Y2007-09-15T21:24:05ZMy tenth Alexander Technique session was not exactly an AT session at all. We decided that I could use some "energy work", which is difficult to describe but nonetheless pleasant. You lie down and let Alexis do all the work.

Because I am the new-agey sort, it was a supremely relaxing experience. If Alexis could put this "energy" in a pill, she'd be a gazillionaire. I was feeling warm and fuzzy and floating in and out of consciousness when something snapped sharply in my upper chest. (No, it wasn't a coronary.) It was the most bizarre and shocking sensation -- like someone had let go of a big, overstretched elastic band in the hollow between my throat and my lungs and my back. Heart chakra? Overactive imagination? I've stopped trying to figure out what it was.

The biggest effect that AT has had on my life is psychological; that is, it has somehow shown me my past from a completely different standpoint. When I look at what therapists of all sorts do, I always wonder how beneficial it is to rehash unhappy memories. Why re-live something again when it was horrible enough the first time?

My experience with AT has answered this question. Sometimes it is difficult to tell whether you are truly over something or just slapping a band-aid on a festering wound. For me, it has been helpful to see things from a fresh perspective so that I can really let it go and stop looking back.

]]>Session Nine: Peggy Babcockhttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/9/6/session-nine-peggy-babcock.htmlEtta Y2007-09-11T07:16:00ZThe session started out innocently enough with some more chair work. Once I was sufficiently aligned and centered, Alexis brought out three slips of paper and told me to pick one. I did, with a silent prayer that it wouldn't tell me to improvise a skit or something equally horrifying.

I should know better by now. The Alexander Technique requires an open mind and little else -- no specific personality or body type, no special skills. It is always unintrusive, probably to prevent end-gaining (definition in "Session Five: End of the Summer Special"). In fact, sometimes the techniques are so indirect that you're not exactly sure what effect you're going for.

Case in point: on the slip of paper were printed these words... GOBBLING GARGOYLES GOBBLED GOBBLING GOBLINS. My tongue-twisting skills just about match my juggling skills. I barely got through the first attempt. We tried a few more times before the gobbling gargoyles were laid to rest.

The exercise managed to totally knock me off my center. I bobbed my head up and down ridiculously on each "g" sound, scrunched up my face and tensed my shoulders. As we went back to sitting and standing, Alexis told me to try saying a common-enough name, Peggy Babcock.

"Peggy Babcock," I enunciated.

"Now say it three times, faster."

"Peb...!"

The minute the slightest pressure was applied, I couldn't even get through the name once. We did that for a while, with Alexis holding my head in place. By the end of the Peggy Babcock training session, I was almost able to ignore the raging desire to rename her "Bagpipe" and leave it at that. Out came the gargoyle for one last try, and this time it was strangely feasible. I hope I'm not giving away all of Alexis' secrets here, but this Peggy Babcock thing worked like magic.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I can now understand why performing arts schools like to teach the Alexander Technique.

]]>Session Eight: Meltdownhttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/9/6/session-eight-meltdown.htmlEtta Y2007-09-06T07:08:38ZWhat a week. Without getting into too much detail, I had a meltdown and a good few days to myself scrutinizing my inner demons. Funny enough, Alexis had just lent me Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by John E. Sarno as the latest installment of my self-improvement re-education program. In it, Dr. Sarno talks about how most back (or neck, or knee, or wrist, or whatever) pain is caused by unconscious negative emotions. Following my tantrum, I promptly developed a backache. So predictable!

I'd heard that very often, uncomfortable situations arise for students of the Alexander Technique. I can deal with the embarrassment and disappointment, as long as the event was triggered by AT. As long as it's a step in the right direction.

On the topic of the book -- It's an interesting read, even for people who don't have particularly bad back pain. Dr. Sarno says that contrary to popular opinion, the back is not a delicate structure that can be destroyed by sleeping on a soft mattress or by not bending the knees to pick something up, which made me question how AT fits into this line of thinking. If back pain is purely psychological, what is the purpose of learning the Alexander Technique, the cornerstone of which is correct sitting/standing? Alexis had an interesting take on this.

The way she sees it, AT isn't so much about sitting or standing as it is about centering oneself (though of course, good posture certainly helps). I agree that AT is centering. It's difficult to explain how sitting or standing can influence the way you think but... it just does. Maybe through making you question the basic things you always took for granted, like what "sitting up straight" looks like. Or maybe it's more about shifting focus from all the things that don't ultimately matter that much (annoying colleague, not having enough money to buy that bag) to the one thing that really does matter (you).

Did some more chair and table work today. Feeling light and relaxed.

]]>Session Seven: Musichttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/9/2/session-seven-music.htmlEtta Y2007-09-02T10:10:23ZSomething unexpected has happened since I started my AT sessions with Alexis. I've really started to enjoy music.

My first music teacher was this really scary nun, who walked with a cane. If ever you messed up, she would reach over her desk and drag you to the front of the class with her staff, by the neck, for some good old-fashioned public humiliation. My second (and last) music teacher was not a nun, nor did she have a cane. She nevertheless ranked no lower on the bogeyman scale, though her methods were more catty. So all things considered, I forgive myself for not being that big on music. I didn't even realize how much I had missed it.

During AT sessions we don't do anything remotely musical (thank god). It really is mostly sitting, standing, and lying down. Okay, I also talk my head off so it could be like therapy in that way, but I've always done that with very little benefit.

That is the toughest thing to explain about AT. The sessions are really simple and can seem rootless for a goal-oriented person, which I think most people are nowadays. You sit and stand and lie down, you leave feeling relaxed and a bit taller, but then you notice random changes when you least expect it.

]]>Session Six: Catwalk Models Don't Do the Alexander Walkhttp://www.alexisniki.com/blog/2007/8/31/session-six-catwalk-models-dont-do-the-alexander-walk.htmlEtta Y2007-08-31T08:47:50ZAfter the last session, I asked Alexis about the application of AT to running. She lent me a copy of Master the Art of Running: Raising Your Performance With the Alexander Technique, which gave some interesting tips. Looking forward to trying them out to see if it will solve the problem of the recurring blister on the arch of my left foot. Alexis also lent me another book, Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre, not an AT book per se, but a thought-provoking read all the same. The recommended section was called "Status" and discussed the motivations behind every word we speak and every gesture we make. I was particularly interested in the sub-section on "Space", since I seem to get trampled and bumped into everywhere I go in Paris -- a real source of stress for me.

Because I asked about running, we did a little bit of walking today with Alexis holding my head in a particular position and reminding me to use my hip joints. Now that felt weird. I felt light and a little bit glamorous, even. Unfortunately I haven't been able to achieve that effect on my own thus far.

Otherwise, the AT sessions have proceeded in much the same format: 20 minutes of chair work, followed by 20 minutes of table work. I find that I really look forward to the sessions as a way to relax and feel hopeful about my future.

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